Luther Vandross – “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with”
I’ve had a few conversations recently with people who are feeling trapped. Trapped in situations they don’t want to be in but feeling unable to escape; at least for the time being.
Situations like jobs, relationships, responsibilities to children, elderly parents & loved ones.
Unable to leave a job they don’t enjoy because it pays the bills and keeps a roof over their heads and the heads of their family.
Staying in an unhappy relationship until the children are old enough to not be affected by the possible damage a separation may cause, or maybe until their financial situation changes when the promotion comes, savings mature, or pensions arrive.
You may think as a therapist I would encourage you to leave so you can feel more in control and happy again.
But what if it REALLY isn’t possible? What then?
When we are in a situation where we feel trapped, we can spend a lot of time focussing on how bad it is, what the situation is stopping us from doing or achieving.
But this only keeps us feeling stuck, because we are telling our compass to focus on the NEGATIVE; this keeps us feeling low and feeling we have no control over our lives, counting down the days, weeks, months and even years until we aren’t in this situation anymore.
If you ARE stuck there are things you can do to point your compass to POSITIVE instead, start focussing on what you CAN change, how you can make your life a little EASIER, a little HAPPIER.
Not only will it make you FEEL better but the time will seem like it goes faster too.
It doesn’t have to be massive things either, arrange to meet friends and go for a walk or coffee, take up a new interest or hobby, learn a new skill, engross yourself in a book or box set, cook a new dinner that you haven’t made before, bake a cake, go for a run go to the park or beach.
In other words enjoy your time as much as you can until your situation DOES change.
With a play on the words of Luther “If you can’t be in the situation you’ll love, love the one you’re in” at least for the time being